Mel Gibson: Forgivably Nuts.

Wow! Another in defense of Mel Gibson article! Maybe one day I will do one that's not about him. Honestly, this wasn't the way this paper was planned to go.

So, yeah. I defended Mel Gibson's crazy Anti-Semitic comments sometimes ago in an article that as I read it now, comes off perhaps as Anti-Semitic as he would seem to be. A very embarrassing article written years ago, that I have begged Herc Isadore to destroy to no avail. Tonight I find myself unable to sleep, having spent the better part of the night up searching out a tape of him (Mel) psychotically shrieking at his wife, threatening her with death, confessing to beating the shit out of her while she was holding her baby, and making I think nasty racial comments about pretty much every ethnicity known to man. I hate to say it, but even now I feel more sad for Mel than anything else. Probably something wrong with me, right?

That's not to say that I agree with any of the shit he's shrieking. Just that I think his wife...or ex-wife...or whatever that situation is, is right. He needs help. Medication. Bipolar I think. Reminds me of a friend of mine. Just listening to the tape left me with this taste of metal in my mouth, it reminds me so much of him. I feel like one day that will be my old friend, and a mixture of relief and guilt that I can't be there for him. But what can you do, really? People need to face their demons, and accept the help that medical science can provide. Hopefully this situation will help Mel (and many others with bipolar disorder and/or other rage issues/conditions) to do that. I can't be angry at him, even now. Well maybe a little bit angry, but mostly sad.

Right now people are going to be going after him. I think especially the Atheist community, which I am almost a part of, as I like bitching about religion with the Atheists sometimes (an agnostic myself). But I feel like it's kind of sad, situations like these where someone has been so inspirational to the Christian community, and now it seems like he's let everybody down, and the Atheists will seem so gleeful about it, hopping up and down declaring that this is the seedy underbelly of the Christian faith or what not, and I think it just isn't fair to rejoice in the downfall of our heroes like that.

I dunno...maybe I am too easy on celebrities. I do love them so. I still think OJ is probably innocent even...because you know...he was NORDBERG. He can't be a killer! But anyway, I'm not even gonna go there.

I really respect Mel's wife and what she did. And I hope that she is safe from him. I also hope that now he will see what's become of himself, and gets the help he needs, and not do anything to hurt himself either. I love Mel Gibson. I know maybe listening to shit like this I should hate him, but I just can't. I grew up idolizing him. It was his Hamlet that got me into Shakespeare! But that's not really even the point. He seems repugnant now of course, but if you can care enough to look beyond that, he is obviously sick. I want him to get better, and be a good father to his daughter, and a good ex-husband to his ex-wife, and do Lethal Weapon 5 if we can get Danny Glover to take him back.

Get better, Mel. Some of us are still rootin' for ya.

-Beth Macbeth.

Mel Gibson: Not an Anti-Semite.

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Owner – Hercules Isadore

Head Reporter – Beth Macbeth*

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* Beth Macbeth and Grant Mulholland are fictional characters created by Hercules Isadore. Their views are not necessarily necessary. Nor are they not not unnecessarily reflect those of their author or the Ostrich. Thank you. And goodnight.

MEL GIBSON: NOT AN ANTI-SEMITE

by Beth Macbeth.

So it turns out Mel Gibson is not an Anti-Semite. Good news for all us fans of the Lethal Weapon, the Brave Heart, the Dude Who Reads Chicks Minds ... (That was the name of that movie, right?) ... etcetera, etcetera. Yup, I figured it out. You heard it hear first on the Ostrich. Mel Gibson... not a racist. Seriously he’s not. This is not a joke article.

And now you, my precious and sexy readers are going to say to me... but Beth! What about all that stuff he said to the cop? And I say back: What about it? First of all the man was drunk. Second of all he referred to us as “fucking Jews.” He didn’t even use the k-word, (kike.) I ask you: Are these the actions of a true Anti-Semite?

I have been called a “fucking Jew,” by many of my closest friends. It usually happens in instances where I display cheapness. See as a Scottish half-Jew, I have a tendency to get rather thrifty on occasion, (I can’t help it. It’s genetics.) And it is the duty of my friends to call me out on this, whilst snickering at how clever and raunchy they are by daring to say something as horrifying un-PC as “fucking Jew.” In reality they are not all that clever, especially not Lori Pembroke, who is something of a ho, but are they Anti-Semites? No.

No. That’s right. The correct answer to that question is “NO.” Maybe you answered yes. If you did, it’s because you are a pathetically oversensitive politically correct cunt. And you are very probably... as my good friend Mel would put it... a fucking Jew. You won’t like the rest of this article, but you should go ahead and read it anyway because it will amuse the rest of us to imagine you shaking your fists back in forth in agitation at the terrible things I write.

And yes. The correct answer was no. People who maintain close friendships with Jews and occasionally call them out for being “fucking Jews” are not Anti-Semites. They just lack proper comedy skillz and have no class. And some of them are hoes. (Lori.) An Anti-Semite would more likely smile and nod at a Jew who seemed to be interested for some reason in socializing with her, (we’ll make our Anti-Semite a girl, since girl’s are generally cooler than boys,) and then she would politely excuse herself from the Jew’s company as quickly as possible, and then go on to refer to said Jew as a kike behind said Jew’s back. This is an Anti-Semite action. See the difference?

But now you are saying to me “but Beth! I imagine that’s exactly what Mel Gibson does, because he directed Passion of the Christ and I was deeply offended as a Jew, even though I didn’t see it and blablabla bla blablabla.” And I say back “Bullshit!” First of all if Mel Gibson was calling us kikes at all, he would have called us kikes in his drunken rant instead of “fucking Jews.”

Second you should borrow PotC from one of your gentile friends and watch it before you decide the movie is terribly Anti-Semitic. They desperately want to lend it to you to demonstrate how kick ass their lord and savior is... which is a little weird considering the massive ass whooping Jesus receives throughout ninety percent of the movie... but... that’s gentiles for you.

But third and most importantly, after the whole big incident, Mel Gibson went on TV... or wherever he went... and said “hey I’m not a racist! I have lots of Jewish friends!” And he was stupid to say that because whenever someone says something like that, everyone immediately assumes they’re lying. But Mel’s obviously not lying in this case. Here’s how I know. Mel lives in Hollywood, and works successfully in the movie industry. Therefore 90 percent of his friends and acquaintances are Jews. There is a higher percentage of Jews populating Hollywood then there are Oompa Loompas in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. And if you don’t think Willy Wonka gets pulled over for drunk driving on occasion whilst shouting “fucking Oompa Loompas!!!” you’re sadly mistaken. This does not mean that Willy is an Anti-Lumpite. It just means he has dealt with a few too many fucking Oompa Loompas. Still I will tell you this... the average Oompa Loompa is much easier to tolerate than the average Jew. Sad but true.

Here is the thing about us Jews, like most other people, the majority of us are assholes. (Not me tho. I’m cool.) Still there is probably a slightly higher percentage of Jewish assholes or “fucking Jews” as drunken Mel Gibson would put it, than with any other ethnicity. I’m not sure why it is, but Jews are really annoying. It’s true. I’m not going to bother to go into the details of this. It’s true. You know it’s true. I mean when I think about all the annoying Jews I’ve met, then maybe combine that with the situation going on in Israel right now, and those same annoying Jews blindly defending Israel’s every twisted policy at every turn, I wanna drunkenly crash a car into a telephone pole whilst screaming about “the fucking Jews” being responsible for “all the wars in the world.” Does that make me an Anti-Semite? Because from where I’m sitting it seems like the only sane thing to do.

Of course the big chunk of evidence of his Anti-Semitism always comes back to the Passion of the Christ. I saw it. I’m qualified to tell you if it’s Anti-Semitic or not. It’s not. Shut the fuck up. Honestly.

Actually... there is one way you can claim the movie is Anti-Semitic... if you wanna claim that the movie is about Romans happily horribly torturing a Jew to death, than you can claim it’s Anti-Semitic. But that argument is kind of killed off by the fact that said Jew comes to life at the end.

Yes. Jesus is a Jew. Even Christians concede this. The hero of the Bible and the movie is a Jew! The Passion of the Christ is a movie about a Jewish guy who was the son of God and the lord and savior of mankind, laying down his life in order to save all of our souls from eternal hellfire. That’s a pretty a fucking pro-Jew movie! That’s as pro-Jew as it gets! And the Christians who go to see it are sobbing like crazy people, and worshipping this Jewish guy who they believe died for their sins, and you’re accusing them of being Anti-Semitic! If they’re Anti-Semitic how the fuck are they worshipping a fucking Jew!? Tell me that!

Yes there are no Christian Anti-Semites. You heard it here on the Ostrich first. All Christians are as pro-Jew as you can get. They think a Jew is their lord and savior for Christ's sake! Jews don’t think that. Most Jews can barely stand each other. You can’t be an Anti-Semite and worship a Jewish son of God. It just doesn’t make any sense.

Here is my impression of a Christian Anti-Semite: “Hey you stupid Jews! You all suck! All Jews can suck my big gentile dick! Umm... except for the lord Jesus... and um... Mary and Joseph... and Moses... and David and Goliath”-(Goliath was a Jew right?)-“And um Adam and Eve... and...” and the list goes on.

Yes. Sorry Christians, you all fail at Anti-Semitism. If you want to truly hate Jews you’ll have to change religions over to one that doesn’t demand the worship of lots and lots of Jewish heroes, including a Jewish son of God. Sorry. You love us Jews. Sure... I know we played a small part in killing Jesus and all that, but we also were Jesus, and Moses and all those guys you think were so cool from the first testament. Most of us Jews are probably descended from Joe and Mary at this point anyway. Like that chick in Dogma. (Kevin Smith film.)

So Mel Gibson works with Jews, lives in Hollyweird with them, and worships a Jew as the son of God. Is he an Anti-Semite? No. Should you accuse him and many other people of being Anti-Semites? No. On the whole there are too many whiney Jews in this world crying racism. And it’s ineffective.

There’s absolutely no point in calling a racist a racist. If a racist says to you “Hey kike, you dradle fuckers killed Jesus” or some such thing, you could respond by pointing at him and yelling “Anti-Semite! You’re an Anti-Semite!” And then running out of the room and telling everyone in the neighborhood about the racist. But you’re not hurting that guy in anyway. He doesn’t want to hang out with Jews or Jew-lovers anyway. And he stood in your face and called you a kike, and the best you could think of to do back to him was call him a racist, which is pretty much pointing out the obvious. I mean he’s probably not all that ashamed of being an Anti-Semite if he just called you a kike in front of everybody.

So what you should do is look him in the eye and say: “At least I’m in good company, seeing as how Jesus was a kike too.” And then you wait for him to take a swing at you and you let him hit you and fall over when he does, and then he goes to jail for a hate crime.

See that’s how you do it.

The only people you’re hurting when you accuse someone of being a racist is the person who turns out to not be a one, and all you accomplish by doing it, is creating a world where everybody’s afraid to say anything. So the word from Beth Macbeth for today is shut the fuck up America. And stop being such a whiney fucking Jew.

And that goes for you blacks, gays and Mexicans as well. We should all of us stop being such whiney fucking Jews.

Goddamn dradle fuckers...

Page 1 - Wednesday, September 13th, 2006!

Click on the pic to view Mel in all his Grandeur!

Or click here for the Beth's article on page 2!